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Game Of Thrones – Who’s where doing what with who?

Season eight is almost upon us, so here’s our Mark with a quick reminder. Season 1-7 spoilers ahead

SPOILER ALERT!
Serial

Add 20 minutes to however long a Game of Thrones episode claims to be. That’s the time you need to pause it, Google a character name, read an episode recap from three seasons ago and still only half figure out what’s going on. Once the series moved beyond George R.R. Martin’s novels, it  streamlined its storyline, for better and worse. Gone is a lot of the detail but it’s a little bit easier to keep up. That said, we’re now the best part of a year removed from the events of last season, so here’s our Game Of Thrones season seven recap of where the major players are and what they’re up to.

“Look, considering some of the stuff that’s gone on around here, aunt and nephew is fine.”

Jon & Daenerys: On a ship bound for Winterfell, ready to face down the army of the dead. After delivering the wight to King’s Landing, they’re under the impression that help is coming from Cersei. It’s not.

Cersei Lannister: In King’s Landing, apparently pregnant. Currently in cahoots with Euron Greyjoy and plotting against pretty much everyone.

“Ladies”

Jaime Lannister: Finally tore himself free from his sister/lover (any Big Star fans in the house?) and is heading north to join the fight and possibly confess his love to Brienne. Please?

Euron Greyjoy: Off to find an army of mercenaries on Cersei’s behalf. Their plan is apparently to let the undead and the Stark/Targaryen forces decimate each other before stepping in and wiping them both out. Not sure Euron has considered what Cersei plans to do with him once that’s all done with.

Yara Greyjoy: Kidnapped by her uncle Euron and held hostage in King’s Landing.

Theon Greyjoy: Finally grown a pair (pun intended) and rallied some men to rescue Yara.

“Stew. I think I’ll have stew for dinner. No, wait, risotto. Definitely risotto”

The Stark kids: Brann, Arya and Sansa have finally been reunited in Winterfell where they’re waiting for Jon to arrive with reinforcements. Brann is deep in conversation with Samwell Tarly about Jon’s parentage, which could make for an awkward chat with Daenerys.

Tyrion: Distinctly unimpressed that Jon and Daenerys got it on. He’s also on the ship bound for Winterfell.

Just when the moment finally felt right, Daenerys was distracted by the arrival of another handsome relative

Jorah Mormont: Still carrying that sad lonely torch for his Khaleesi and convinced that a trap awaits her en route to Winterfell. He’s on the ship too but would be much happier if she’d gone by dragon.

Tormund, Beric, Edd: Apparently alive and well in the north after the indestructible wall got destructed with them on it.

“I pledged my life to Lady Sansa but that risotto has done something weird to my insides”

Davos, Grey Worm, Brienne, Lord Varys: All heading to join the Stark and Targaryen army at Winterfell.

Gendry: Could have a massive role to play in this season. He’s on his way to Winterfell too to help craft weapons to fight the White Walkers.

The Hound: Finally came face-to-face with his brother at the end of last season. He’s bound for the North where he’ll no doubt have to negotiate with Arya about who gets to un-reanimate the Mountain before the final curtain.

Bronn and Podrick: Last seen heading away from the parlay at King’s Landing to most likely indulge in alcohol and prostitutes. It’s probable that Podrick is headed north with Brienne, but equally probable that he’s in a drunken stupor in a King’s Landing brothel.

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